Fear and Control

I've been thinking about a lot of things recently. Like, why is it that the older I get, the more I hang onto my fears? Is it because I feel in control of them when I hang on? Or is it that I just have a huge lack of faith in my God who is bigger than any fear I could conjure up? As I ponder these and other questions, I realize that I am one pathetic little human. I have a God who controls the universe and beyond (if there is a beyond, which I think there is). He is bigger than, well, the boogie man and He loves me and cares for me. Why then can I not let go of my fears? Why the constant need to control, or try to control, the circumstances which are beyond my control? Why do I not just give up and give in to my all knowing God? Let Him take my burden? It all boils down to Romans. Its my old man. I have put him to death, but his stinking flesh keeps surfacing and like the wretched person I am, I take him back.

My answer to all of this is more of God, more of Jesus, more of Him who loves me more than I could ever know. He who is faithful, when I am so faithless. He who chases after me, though I stray often. He who wants to take my fears and cover them with His love. His love is the absence of all fear. In Him is the joy I lack. In Him is the fullness of life. Abundant life. Life that pours out into others. So, I must choose... Fear and Control (or rather, the illusion of control) or Joy and Life.